THE GREAT TWINKIES PROTEST II

As you may be aware, the Twinkies Company (not the real name) announced several years ago that it was discontinuing the manufacture of Twinkies under pressure from the National Association of Kale Eaters who detest food that tastes good. A groundswell of deplorables throughout the country organized a march on the company; fortunately bloodshed was avoided when the company CEO proved that he voted for Trump. After what Senator Schumer described as “a little bit” of lobbying, he pressured the company and the USDA to continue to maintain Twinkies in SNAP, saving an untold number of children from starving.

The Resistance has claimed that given the President’s girth, it was highly likely that Mr. Trump is a Twinkies eater. The FBI and CIA are currently engaged in an investigation as to whether the President’s weakness for pastries could have led to the free distribution by his campaign of Mishka Kosolapi to voters in 2016 further tying him to the Russians. When queried, Mr. Schiff said he was aware of the connection but kept silent for use in future impeachment hearings after the 2020 election. However, an inside source said she believed that the real reason for Mr. Schiff’s silence was his near-addiction for Grilyazh, Korovka, Alenka and other Russian candies. He did not want to attract attention to his Russian connection.

Nevertheless, the Resistance pointed to the gender-inverted photo of Putin riding a horse, bare from the waist up, paying tribute to Lady Godiva. “That’s how a president should look. Not all stuffed with Twinkies,” Lady Pelosi commented. She called for a special prosecutor to look into the president’s eating habits. When she heard that comment, Melania simply smiled, and said, “Good luck with that.”

We need children who learn to march at an early age. Protesting is much more important than the ballot box particularly with judicial overreach and the Supreme Court with its magic pen. To protest is to be American. And early on the children must be taught what to write on their signs. They can learn to spell later as a few – well, a very few – high school protesters have demonstrated. That comment is based on a recent poll that showed that illegal Latinos with no schooling are slightly better spellers than citizen Latinos with a high school diploma. Randi Weingarten scoffed at the poll results claiming racism, anti-feminism, fascism, pollutionism, wealthism, and elitism. When questioned as to poor scholarship, she pointed out that the only reason is that teachers are too poorly paid compared to rappers in the Bronx. A bystander commented: “What did you expect, she doesn’t even know how to spell her first name right?”

(to be continued)